Heavy Heart

Published June 15, 2012 by Sara

I received new today that my Uncle Stu (Stewie) passed away. It’s starting to sink in, but when I first found out, it was through my cousin Kathy in a message through FB. We were talking about pinterest and cleaning grout. She apologized like no tomorrow, and was worried I had not heard.

I sat there dazed, I knew this news was coming, I thought when I heard it, I would be a basket case. I literally went into shock. After a minute or so, I realized, I need to call Aunt Carol, being as I am not sure if anyone had called her. Got her voicemail, so she must be out. Then I tried my Uncle George and got his voicemail as well, which is utterly understandable, being as that poor man is most likely devasted beyond belief, being as another sibling has passed on. My Mom and Stu were the only two he was closest to. 

I played the messages on my machine and Brian did try calling around 8am to let me know the sad news. I was surprised the phone nor the machine woke me up, but then I realized we had the ceiling fan on, which with that white noise going on, tends to block out any other noise from the phone. To me, it was a good thing. I had not slept good the previous two nights and I was utterly surprised I slept good last night. 

But then I had the sad task of telling the kids, which that utterly tore me up inside to have to deliver such sad news. Julia was the firs I told and she howled like no tomorrow. I knew she would take it the hardest, since she is so sensitive. She really misses him and really wanted to see him over Spring Break, but she was satisfied with the knowledge that we would see him over Summer Break. It makes me feel so awful that the kids didn’t get to see him one last time before he departed. 

Once I had Julia squared away and told my husband. He asked me if I was ok, which surprisingly, I was, but it had not sunk in yet. But I started crying because I had to still tell Gwen and Emily. I don’t like hurting my kids. And I knew Gwen was still working on her 1/2 credit for school and was thinking I’d tell her later on since today is the last day, but she came downstairs and one look at my face and she knew. But she hugged me instead and asked if I was ok, which I was, I just was upset I had to tell them. And thankfully she is done with her 1/2 credit, so it’s all good. *whew*

Telling Emily was fairly easy. She just made a shocked look at me. I think we all are just reeling from the information. 

But now it’s slowly sinking in for me. I was at Starbucks and almost started crying when I was ordering. Then I tried calling my cousin Brian back after I got back and was fighting back the tears. I think actually verbally acknowledging it, is what is making it sink in. Being as when I wasn’t saying anything or saying it out loud, was when it didn’t seem real. 

I really hated sending messages through FB telling people, but sadly, it’s the only way I talk to them or them to me. Luckily, a friend of mine saw my FB status and I asked her if she could call and tell her Mom, being as I didn’t want her to read it on FB. 

So now we wait to find out when the memorial is. I just hope it’s enough time to get everything on our end set up to plan coming out a little better. But I know when I come back, it will be time to reopen my stores.

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