I have been sitting here thinking about my step brother Ricky and just how much I miss him.
For some reason, we never got to reconnect over the years and I think that was my fault.
When I went to visit my Dad for the summer, they said they were going to have a surprise for me. Well, I certainly wasn’t thinking it was going to be my step brother Ricky and I basically acted blazay and I remember when he left, he asked me to call him sometime. I never did once.
I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me. Truly I don’t. And then when I got home, I felt horrible for the way I acted and tried to get his # from my Dad and was always on a goose chase.
Well, I finally got his # after a few years of my Dad dancing around giving it to me and I left countless messages for him, and not once did he return my calls. He could have been busy.
I guess you could say I deserved it, but now it makes it even harder to bare, being as he died Feb 2010. His body was found in the lake, and he drowned. I truly was hoping maybe we would reconnect, after he would stop being so damn stubborn.
But it will never happen now.
I guess I should be angry for him snubbing me, but I thought maybe if I left an apology on his machine, just to let him know I was being a stupid teenager having a teenager moment, involved in her own little world.
And plus also, even though we had awesome time together, I think I was rather upset with him, being as he got to live with my Dad, he got to grow up under his own roof, but when I asked my Dad if I could live with him, he shut me down with a big “no” Which hurt, I understood he didn’t want to have kids living with him, but then it hurt me to no end that Ricky, his new wife’s son, lived with them.
I know that is not Ricky’s fault and he should not be the one held accountable for that.
I just wished my Dad would have taken that opportunity, being as I really wanted to get to know him. I can’t say I would have lived with him forever and I may have moved back to Wisconsin after graduating.
And this is why I wish my Mom never moved me here in the first place. I am so far from my own father and the rest of my family. But then my Dad was stupid for allowing her to let her move me here. What my Mom offered him, well just to allow her to sell the house? She would not claim child support on him ever. Yeah. That lasted only 2 years. My Mom was silly for asking for that agreement, but then my Dad was stupid for falling for it. No matter how much you plan for a solid future, surprises and curve balls get thrown at you.
Anyway, I am going way into this than is needed. But I just really miss Ricky and am mad that there is this huge closure I will never have with him, because he is gone.
I just wish he would have at least talked to me and just let me have it. That would have been closure and I wouldn’t feel guilty for treating him the way I did.