Uncle Pt 2

Published August 29, 2011 by Sara

I have a feeling my Uncle was lying to me about the cancer. Since we have arrived back from Lake Winnebago, he has not made any attempt to call. AND his daughter called right before we left to tell me he told her he DOESN’T have cancer. 

Seriously?!?

For 3 days I was barely sleeping, I could be dog ass tired, but as soon as my head hit the pillow. I would be wide awake, sitting there thinking about him, worrying how he is doing and every little sound seemed to be amplified to keep me from sleeping. It drove me crazy. One night, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I slept for 10 minutes and was wide awake again. I laid there tossing and turning till 5am to which I FINALLY fell asleep for about one hour, being as Gwen needed to go to school.

So when the day came for our anticipated trip to Lake Winnebago, I was literally exhausted and needed to take a nap before making a 2 hour trip out there.

When we arrived and sat outside, I just felt so at peace. A calmness I have not felt in a LONG time. I finally felt relaxed. I finally felt like I had escaped my world of chaos.  

And do I hate my Uncle? I don’t. Maybe it’s his way of trying to get attention he feels he is not getting from his own children. And I could honestly say if he called me, the chances of me calling him back are pretty slim. 

I hate this. I hate being so busy it feels like I am blowing people off all the time. And it seems with each passing year, it gets worse and I get busier than what I was before.

Sitting back and thinking about this, he has not gone anywhere in our minivan for awhile now. Every trip to Walgreens has been made by me and I do not know how in the world we settled into this routine again, but he needs to do things for himself. I just hate being pulled in 5 thousand directions. And then of course with the idea my Uncle has/had cancer, just put so much stress on me. I want to take care of him, but I can’t when Art is still struggling to learn his new prosthetic. 

Which FINALLY his prothesist called and they have the new pin system for him. But he is now seeing Herb rather than Josh. Which I wonder why. BUT I do have a feeling he is exaggerating the issues he is having. I wouldn’t even give this a second thought, but when he was in the hospital. He talked about collecting SSD. Now the last time we saw my Uncle, he told him he planned on sitting on his ass collecting SSD. Now see, I was brought up to be a fighter. I know there may be a point and where you feel like giving up, but then you get the gumption to carry on. I have been raised to be independent.

I remember when I had explained to my Dad that we were on AFDC when Gwen was a baby. And he rather scolded me being as he said he thought he had raised me differently, which now in hindsight, sometimes you need to take the help that id offered. It’s just I didn’t get comfortable with it and stop working to collect while sitting at home. In all these years, that thought never crossed my mind. 

Now I work from home and do wish I had an outside job. Which a friend of mine, she says she did get a part time job outside the home to help her keep her sanity. I had looked into that last year, which I may do again this year. 

Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk about. A friend of mine had replied to my comment on her thread. I forget what she was saying, I think unpacking from her trip and time to start laundry. I told her I was in the same boat as well. Well our friend comes along and more or less makes a comment about how nice it is to work from home, whereas she has to leave by 6am for work. (My friend deleted the thread being as she felt the mutual friend was out of line…I didn’t, but anyhow)

I knew what she was saying. I can work whatever time I want. Granted I have to plan my time off just like anyone else and even at that, when my stores close. I’m STILL working for a few more days. And even when my stores close, does not stop from buyers contacting me about issues or questions or special orders.

I am not going to lie. Working from home has several advantages. I don’t have to commute, I don’t have to ask for time off. If I need a day off, I can take it to go to my kids field trips or whichever they have going on. I will NEVER find a job this flexible.

BUT the downside, is I am the sole owner. If someone has a problem, I take care of it. When my supplies run low, I order them. I get to run all over the countryside to get the materials I need from Michael’s, Joann’s, Walmart. American Science and Surplus, Greenfield News and Hobby, etc etc. I have been seriously dragging my feet about opening my stores, which I had hoped to open tomorrow, but looks like it may be delayed by one more day. Also, when i start, I will be working 16-18 hour days. Which is another reason why I am holding off opening my stores, being as all these things I had planned to get done a month or so ago, kinda went out the door due to some people in my husband’s family feeling like they can just drop in on us whenever. I’m a little miffed being as we have things to get done. And now I can chalk up one more year our back yard has not been finished due to people wasting my time. 

I have been cleaning the basement and getting that under control. After getting all those empty boxes to the city dump, it looks worlds better! Now to just organize the totes that have random stuff tossed in them from when I needed to clean out the upper of all the repair materials and odds and ends. Which is just about 4 totes. But I have 4-5 boxes of clothes that the kids no longer fit. I am thinking to just get rid of all of them and not even bother with the hand me downs, or a rummage sale for that matter. I just don’t have the time for that anymore. 

I do have some stuff I have set aside to sell on Ebay and Craigslist as well. We shall see how well I do on sales for those items. I have a ton of books I would like to sell as well, but that us going to require some time to sit down and organize and take pics. I think when we get back from Lake Winnebago, I will sit down and just start taking pics. And since Gwen will be leaving school early on her A days, I may hire her to help me with the business. Not sure what I will have her do, but about time I enlist her help. 

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